Divorce is a huge life change. Often perceived as highly adversarial by the divorcing couple. Perceived more so when involving attorneys. A stereotype of warring spouses who are both dead set on “winning,” no matter the cost.

But your divorce doesn’t have to be a “war.” When it comes to your family, mental and emotional health, and resources (time, energy, and financial), a war is the last thing many people want or need.

Yes, there may be anger and bitterness. No one “walks down the aisle” dreaming of the day they will get divorced, after all. Nor do most couples live their married lives in anticipation of divorce. But anger and bitterness don’t have to write the script of how your divorce will play out. You both probably have similar goals: peace, healing, and moving on.

The alternative to “adversarial divorce” through traditional court proceedings: mediation. A smoother, cost-effective, and typically faster approach.

What Is Mediation?

Generally speaking, in divorce court cases, a judge decides the outcome for you based on the judge’s interpretation of the facts. It’s handing over all control to a judge. And in court, what a judge can decide is limited to what the law allows a judge to do.

Instead, there’s the powerful and empowering tool of mediation.

In mediation, an individual (called a “mediator”) acts as a neutral third party, meaning they do not pass judgment or make decisions for the parties, nor do they offer advice. Instead, their job is to help empower divorcing individuals to reach a mutually beneficial resolution to their dispute. In mediation, the parties decide the outcome, including options unavailable to a judge.

Mediators are not always lawyers. They be marriage counselors, psychologists, or social workers, retired judges and magistrates, or accountants. What’s important when selecting a mediator:

Mediator’s experience and training: The State of Maryland does not currently require licensing of mediators. Divorce mediators should have training from a recognized training program. If court-ordered mediation, the court rules set training requirements. This training helps mediators identify and address key issues in divorce cases.

Mediator’s scope of services: Will the mediator draft an agreement if settlement is reached? Or not? Will the mediator mediate all aspects of the divorce? Or only specific topics like a parenting plan? Or exclude complex assets like retirement benefits?

How Does Mediation In Divorces Work?

During the mediation process, you sit down with the mediator, your attorney if you have one, and your ex-spouse-to-be and his or her attorney. You all come together to negotiate the various parts of your particular divorce.

Not every aspect of the divorce needs to be decided in mediation. If you have minor children, you could reach an agreement on visitation but need the judge’s help with child support. Whatever agreement you are able to reach, though, is typically incorporated into the divorce decree.

An agreement in divorce mediations could be reached in one day or over several meetings, depending on the complexity of the issues, the available information, and both parties’ willingness to compromise.

The discussions and any outcome of mediation are confidential (unlike court proceedings, which are public record). Mediators gather information, consider the goals of both parties, and facilitate discussion between the parties or their attorneys. Put simply, mediators are there to be cool-headed guides through a negotiation process.

The overarching idea is that it’s better to let the parties decide for themselves, rather than a judge. The bonus is that mediation often saves time and emotional stress. The process of mediation in divorce cases has proven very effective in Maryland and many other states.

And, because mediation is not adversarial, the goal is for both sides to “win.”

How Does Divorce Mediation Work In Maryland?

In a divorce proceeding, you and your spouse may choose to attend mediation on your own (with you setting the frequency and pace), or you may be ordered to attend by the judge (with the court deciding the length and format).

In private mediation (so, mediation that’s not court-ordered), both spouses usually attend an orientation session presented by the mediator, where they are educated about what to expect during the process, issues that should be focused on, and how to communicate without escalating or heightening emotions. After that, the couple decides whether the mediator is the right fit for them and schedules mediation or continues the mediator interviewing process.

What Can Be Decided In Divorce Mediation In Maryland?

Mediation can address a wide range of commonly encountered issues in Maryland divorce cases. In terms of finances, mediation can lead to an agreement on:

• Division of marital property;
• Allocation of marital debts;
• Who shall retain the marital residence and any payments to the non-resident spouse;
• Payment of alimony;
• If any joint property is to be retained, how that joint ownership will be structured; and
• Whether the agreement is subject to future modification by the court.

For couples with minor children, a divorce mediation can address issues of:

• Physical and legal custody;
• A visitation/parenting time schedule;
• Child support obligations;
• Health insurance coverage for the children;
• Allocation of other expenses related to the children; and
• Payment of each minor child’s college expenses, if both spouses so desire.

As mentioned earlier, not all issues in a divorce must be resolved during mediation in order for it to be effective. Meaning, if the outcome is that some issues are worked out and others result in an impasse (or an inability by the parties to agree), then the divorce is a “hybrid” one. The mediated agreements will be incorporated into the final order, and the outstanding issues will be decided by the judge.

When Is Mediation Not Recommended?

There are some instances when mediation is not appropriate. Typically, these scenarios involve two spouses who are not able, though circumstance, to meet at the negotiation table as equals.

This situation happens when there is a history of violence or abuse, when one spouse exerts power or influence over the other spouse, if one spouse is hiding financial assets, or if there is a significant financial disparity between the two spouses’ incomes that is used to pressure for a settlement.

I’m Here To Help

If you have entered into the transitional phase of divorce, your life doesn’t have to become driven by contentious emotions. Divorce mediation in Maryland can work wonders to prevent a “difficult divorce” by inviting both parties to sit down at the negotiation table. As an experienced divorce attorney, I would be happy to help you navigate the mediation process, so you don’t have to go it alone.

Ready to talk? Contact me today to schedule a confidential consultation.